


Too Young To Feel This Old

by DashFlintceschi



Series: Illnesses/Disabilities Alphabet Challenge [3]
Category: You Me At Six
Genre: Gen, Josh has cerebral palsy, Josh is Dan's adoptive brother, Sort of incestuous issues but kind of not, Unrequited Flitceschi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 11:17:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1816660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DashFlintceschi/pseuds/DashFlintceschi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh Franceschi was born with Cerebral Palsy, and because of his mother's circumstances. gets adopted by the Flints when he's nine days old.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Young To Feel This Old

**Author's Note:**

> I was planning on writing this anyway, but then I decided to take on a one-shot alphabet challenge. I'm doing two alphabets, one for illnesses/disabilities, and one for mythical creatures. So, this is C for the illnesses/disabilities list.

When Josh was born, he immediately scrunched up into a tight, tense little ball that the nurses struggled to pull him out of. Within a few hours, the doctors had determined he had cerebral palsy, and due to his mother’s circumstances, at nine days old, Joshua Franceschi became Joshua Flint. His parents were always open with him, he always knew that he was adopted, and that his birth mother lived only a few miles away, but she was only nineteen when he was born, making minimum wage and in no position to give him the life, medical treatment, or extra care and attention he needed.

As he grew up, his parents asked him several times if he wanted to meet his birth mother, but his answer was always no. He never held a grudge against her, but he already had a mum, and he was happy with her, his dad and his brother and sister. His siblings understood that he wasn’t quite the same as them, that he couldn’t run like they could, or roll around and play rough with them, but it never bothered them. Sarah was always more careful around him than Dan was. She was four when their parents brought him home, and took her parents warning that she had to be very gentle with him to heart. Dan, on the other hand, was only seventeen months old, and had no idea that he needed to be gentle, so though he grew up finding inventive ways to have fun with his special little brother, he was never more gentle with Josh than he was with anyone else, which always made Josh favour Dan slightly over Sarah. He loved them both the same, obviously, but when it came to asking for help with something, or looking for someone to play with, Josh always looked for Dan before he looked for Sarah.

At eighteen years old, Josh is nowhere near as mobile as he wants to be. It’s his birthday, and he’s lying in bed, complaining to himself about his lack of mobility as he tries to force himself to get up. He knows how much it’ll hurt, though, so he’s about ready to give up and wait for one of his parents or siblings to come in and help him. He’s just about to force himself to stop being a wimp and move, when the door bursts open and Dan lands on top of him.

“Get up, it’s your birthday, happy birthday, get up!” He insists, talking so fast that Josh barely understands him.

“Sorry, I could have sworn you were nineteen, not nine,” Josh comments dryly, Dan just grinning at him as he stands back up. He looks at Josh expectantly, and Josh sighs, holding his arms up in a silent request for help.

“You know you’re supposed to be doing this stuff for yourself,” Dan tells him, despite his hands twitching to help.

“I know, but it always hurts worse in the morning. Please?” Josh asks softly, giving his brother big doe eyes, and Dan sighs and nods, he never could say no to Josh when he gives him that look.

Dan’s never hesitated to help Josh, but it turned out that was a bad thing. Dan had never realised he was hindering Josh’s development, until Josh was fifteen, and the specialist he visits three times a year was trying to figure out why Josh wasn’t as mobile or independent as she expected him to be. Once his dad told her how much his siblings tended to do for him, she gave him a long lecture on learned helplessness, and how it was alright for them to help him every now and again, but letting them do too much for him can lead to him forgetting how to do things for himself, which they can’t let happen. Since then, Dan’s done a lot less for Josh, but one thing he can’t help doing is helping Josh out of bed in the morning. He hates standing back and watching as Josh struggles, wincing from the pain, when it’s easy enough for Dan to simply wrap his arms around him and ease him to his feet.

Once Josh is up and dressed, they head downstairs, Dan not helping him on the stairs, but staying right behind him, his hands hovering over Josh’s shoulders, just in case. Josh is used to hobbling up and down the stairs with his crutches, though, so they make it to the kitchen without incident. As soon as they walk in, their mum’s frowning at them.

“You better not have helped him, Daniel. You know what the doctor said,” she warns, and he sighs.

“I helped him out of bed, he did the rest himself,” he tells her as he starts making tea for everyone. She tuts at him disapprovingly, then smiles at Josh as he sits down beside her, reaching out to hug him.

“Happy Birthday, sweetheart, here,” she pushes a small stack of presents across the table to him. “Your grandparents’ presents are there, too. Tell me if you need a hand with your nan’s, I keep telling her to stop using so much sellotape, but she never listens,” as she says this, Josh holds up the box containing his nan’s gift, the wrapping paper sitting on the table.

“She used the usual amount of sellotape, she just used paper that was easier to tear,” he tells her with a laugh, and she grins back as he opens the box to reveal, surprise, surprise, a hand knitted jumper, same as every year. Dan takes one look at it and snorts as he sits down and hands everyone their tea.

“I’ve never understood why she thinks it’s a good idea to give someone a jumper in August,” he comments, easily dodging the hand his mum swipes at him.

“She knows Josh feels the cold worse than everyone else,” she tells him, and Josh laughs.

“Not that bad!” He insists, moving on to the rest of the pile. He’d told his family what he wanted, so the Arsenal top from his parents and the new medical alert bracelet from Sarah are appreciated, but expected. He gets confused, though, when he sees the two presents from Dan, both wrapped in the thin, easy to tear paper they all know he prefers. The smaller box is obviously the Inbetweeners box set he asked him for, but he has no idea what the much larger box is. He looks at Dan questioningly, but all he does is nod towards it encouragingly, so he pulls it towards him and starts tearing the paper off. 

When he takes the lid off the box and peers inside, he gapes for a few seconds, then grins. Wrist and ankle weights, a long length of elastic rubber with looped ends, and four small plastic devices that Josh almost mistakes for harmonicas. He lifts one of them out and holds it out to Dan questioningly. He takes it from him and shows him how to use it. It’s for strengthening his fingers, with separate sections for each finger, to improve his dexterity at the same time.

“You keep saying you’re not as mobile as you want to be, well, now you have no excuse,” Dan tells him as he hands it back, and Josh hugs him tightly, thanking him repeatedly. 

The rest of his birthday goes the way all of their birthdays usually go. A massive, greasy fry up for breakfast, everyone giving Josh worried glances, but, at his constant requests over the years, mostly ignoring the choking noises as his throat muscles temporarily fail him every now and again; then they do the rounds to the relatives, collecting presents as they go; then lunch at Josh’s favourite café; then the usual phone argument between their mum and her sister, who lives on the twenty-third floor of a building with no lift, but still thinks Josh should be able to get up to her flat, rather than her coming to them, which ultimately ends with them stopping outside her building while Dan runs up to get Josh’s present from her, usually with a snarky comment about her being a selfish cow.

As usual with one of Josh or Dan’s birthdays, their friends are just approaching their front door as they get back. Ever since Josh’s tenth birthday, on either of their birthdays, Josh’s best friend, Max, and Dan’s two best friends, Matt and Chris, come over, and the five of them have a sleepover in the living room. Of course, they don’t call it that any more, god forbid eighteen and nineteen year old guys be caught having a sleepover. As usual, Matt reaches out to help Josh up the three steps to their front door, and as always, Josh whacks him on the shin with his crutch at the same time as Dan smacks the back of his head.

“Not only are you not supposed to help me, I don’t need you to help me,” Josh snaps, the same words he snaps every time Matt’s at their house, since he still can’t get it into his thick skull.

The night goes the same as usual, until just after eleven o’clock. They’re sitting around the coffee table in the living room, each with a huge slice of Josh’s birthday cake, four of them with a beer, and Josh with diet coke, playing ‘never have I ever’, and it’s Chris’ turn.

“Never have I ever… Fancied someone I shouldn’t,” Dan, Max and Matt snort at his lame choice, until they notice Josh taking a drink.

“Alright, spill,” Dan demands, and Josh shakes his head.

“The rules never said I had to give any details,” he insists, but the four of them keep staring at him until he sighs. “Fine, you remember that English teacher me and Max had in Year 10?” They all nod and Max grins.

“I remember him, Mr. Lowe. I don’t blame you, mate, he was a stunner,” Matt points at Max accusingly at that.

“You didn’t drink, you should have drank, if you fancied him!” He insists, and Max shrugs.

“I never said I fancied him. I would’ve spread my legs for him without hesitation, but I didn’t fancy him,” Josh has the misfortune of taking a drink as Max says this, and the surprised laugh that bursts out has him choking. Dan immediately scoots over, rubbing Josh’s back as he mumbles soothingly to him. When he finally stops choking, he leans against Dan, who wraps his arms around him without hesitation, resting his chin on Josh’s head as he continues rubbing his back while he gets his breath back.

“Y’know, if I didn’t know better, I’d occasionally think you two had something going,” Matt comments, motioning between Josh and Dan.

“You’re kidding, right? He’s my little brother, that’s not only weird, it’s illegal!” Dan replies with a laugh, but Chris frowns thoughtfully.

“I don’t think it would be illegal, with Josh being adopted. I mean, you’re not related by blood, so…” He mumbles thoughtfully, but Dan pulls a face.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s legal or not, it’s still fucking weird, and I’m done talking about it,” he insists, noticing that Josh’s breathing is normal, and moves back to where he was sitting before.

They go to sleep soon after that, Josh on the couch, since his legs and back can’t handle sleeping on the floor. Dan wakes up just after three, with the feeling that something isn’t right. He quickly glances around and realises what it is, when he notices Josh is gone from the couch. He checks the kitchen first, and when he finds no sign of him downstairs, he heads up to Josh’s room, thinking that the couch might have been hurting him. He’s right that Josh is in his room, but he’s not sleeping. He’s curled in a ball, sobbing quietly. Dan rushes to him, sitting beside him on the bed and touching his side gently.

“J, where does it hurt? I can’t help if you don’t tell me. Do you want me to get mum and dad?” He asks quickly, and Josh laugh humourlessly through his tears.

“I’m not in pain, you dick. Am I not allowed to be upset now?” He asks angrily, and Dan rubs his side with a little more pressure.

“I still can’t help unless you tell me,” he comments softly, and Josh huffs.

“I can’t, you’ll fucking hate me,” he denies, but Dan just sits quietly, still rubbing his side and watching him expectantly, until Josh finally groans in defeat. “Fine. I’m in love with you, have been for a while. I lied about fancying that teacher, so I wouldn’t have to admit it. You think I’m a freak, good for you, now fuck off,” he spits, ignoring the dumbfounded look Dan’s giving him. When Dan comes to his senses, he gets up and leaves without a word, and Josh curls up tighter, sobbing desolately to himself.

Josh doesn’t come downstairs the next morning, which worries Max, Matt and Chris, but Dan insists that he’s fine, it just takes him a while to force himself out of bed sometimes. Dan starts to get worried, though, when lunchtime comes and goes with no sign of Josh. He wanders up to check on him, and panics slightly when he finds him on his back on the floor. He takes a second look, though, and realises that Josh is using the stretch of elastic Dan gave him, ankle weights strapped on as he stretches his legs against the elastic, pulling it tight with his hands to give it more resistance. 

“J, you alright?” Dan asks carefully, fully aware of how much he hurt Josh last night.

“Yep,” Josh grunts, otherwise completely ignoring him.

“Don’t you think you should come down and eat something, if you’re working yourself so hard?” He tries again, but Josh still doesn’t pay him any attention.

“Nope, busy,” he replies shortly, and Dan sighs, leaning against the doorframe.

“I’m sorry about last night, I just… You’re my brother, it’s weird. I don’t want this to make things weird between us,” he tries, but Josh scoffs.

“Shouldn’t have left me here to cry myself to sleep, then, should you?” He replies coldly, and Dan’s heart breaks a little.

“I’m sorry, J, I just…” Josh cuts him off.

“No, I’m done with your bullshit excuses, just get the fuck out and leave me alone,” he spits, glaring at Dan until he nods in defeat and leaves.

Josh stays in his room until his mum drags him down for dinner and forces him to sit in the only empty chair at the kitchen table, his usual seat between her and Dan. He does as she asks, but refuses to look at Dan, or acknowledge him in any way. Their mum tries to make small talk at first, but everyone can feel the tension between the two of them, and soon, the only sounds are clinking cutlery, and Josh’s occasional chokes. 

Josh buries himself in his uni work for the next few weeks, not only avoiding Dan, but the rest of his family, too, since they insist on trying to get him to talk about what’s happening with him and Dan. They don’t actually know what’s going on, they just know that things are tense and uncomfortable when they’re both in the same room, and despite Dan’s efforts, Josh refuses to talk to Dan, or even acknowledge him. Finally, Josh decides to do something about it, but it’s not what any of his family would ever expect from him.

“I want to meet my birth mother,” he announces one night, as the five of them are lounging in the living room after dinner. The four of them stare at him in surprise for a few moments, then his dad mutes the TV.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to, because you were so happy here with us?” Sarah asks, and Josh laughs darkly.

“Yeah, ‘cause I’ve been so happy lately,” he responds, and Sarah sighs sadly.

“Well, maybe if one of you would talk to us about whatever’s going on, we could help,” she tries again, but he shakes his head.

“I told you, you can’t help. I’m not going to meet her and immediately bugger off with her and never come back, I just… I think it would make things easier if I have somewhere else I can go to think things through, and maybe I could talk to her about this, because I love you guys, but I really don’t feel like this is something you would understand,” he explains, and his mum nods.

“Well, I like to think that no matter what it is, we’d listen and do our best to understand and help and support you, but if you really feel that way… I’ll phone Rachel in the morning and see when she’s free,” she agrees and Josh smiles gratefully.

Josh thinks it’ll take a few days, so he’s surprised when he gets home from uni the next afternoon, and finds his mum sitting on the couch with a woman that has his eyes, which are staring at him hungrily.

“I always knew you would grow up handsome, you were such a beautiful baby,” she comments softly, and he smiles.

“I can see where I got it from,” he compliments in return, and she grins.

“I’m sorry I gave you up, but…” She trails off as Josh holds up his hand.

“It’s alright, mum explained it to me when I was little. You loved me, but you weren’t able to look after me the way I deserved, it’s ok, I understand, and I’ve never hated you or held a grudge over it,” he insists, and she smiles happily, though Josh is surprised that she doesn’t seem bothered by him calling another woman ‘mum’. He supposes she must have made her peace with it, and goes over and sits beside her.

They talk for a few hours, Josh ignoring Dan when he introduces himself and chats a bit with Rachel when he comes home from work just after five. Josh finds out that he has a step-dad, Tony, and a half sister, Elissa, who’s nine. She shows him a photo of them, and he’s being honest when he tells her that he can’t wait to meet them. 

Josh stays in contact with Rachel, talking to her on the phone almost every night that week. On Saturday night, he’s rather nervous as he limps into the restaurant he’s meeting the three of them in for dinner. He’s having a bad day, pain-wise, so he’s moving slowly, leaning heavily on his crutches and wincing with every step as he approaches the greeter. She watches him with concern and when he’s within earshot, she politely asks him if he needs any assistance. He thanks her, but declines, he knows if someone who’s not used to helping him tries, he’ll only end up in more pain. He doesn’t say that, though, just gives her a tight smile and gives her the name the reservation is under.

She leads him to the table, walking slower than she normally would for his benefit, then pulls his chair out for him as the three of them watch him with concern.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” Rachel asks softly as he settles himself and sets his crutches against the table, making sure they’re out of the way.

“Yeah, just… Everything hurts a bit more than usual, it happens sometimes, but I’m fine,” he reassures, the smile he gives them slightly more relaxed. Now that he’s sitting down, a lot of the pain in his legs has faded, but his back, arms and hips are still aching fiercely.

“What’s wrong? Mum said you have cerebral palsy, but I don’t really know what it is,” Elissa asks softly, a sweet, curious look on her face, and Josh smiles kindly at her.

“It means my muscles and joints don’t quite work they way they should, and it can be really painful sometimes,” he explains, trying to word it in a way she’ll understand, without being condescending. He’s had enough people in his life thinking that cerebral palsy meant stupid or mentally handicapped, so he knows how enraging being treated like you’re stupider than you are can be.

He seems to have done it right, as she nods with a worried frown, but doesn’t say anything about how he spoke to her.

“And you’re in a lot of pain now?” She asks worriedly, and he smiles reassuringly.

“A little more than usual, but it’s not that bad, now that I’m sitting down,” he tells her, and she seems happy with his answer.

After that, dinner goes well, other than the first time Josh’s throat muscles spasm and he chokes, but a quick explanation and several minutes of insisting he’s fine, and they calm down. Josh gets on well with Tony and Elissa, as he’d hoped he would. The only thing that has the potential to bring down the mood is when Josh decides he can’t hold back the question that’s been on his mind all week.

“How much can you tell me about my biological dad?” He asks during dessert, but rather than getting upset, as Josh worried she might, Rachel smiles.

“He’s a lovely man, but our relationship just didn’t work out. We broke up just before I found out I was pregnant with you, but he was planning on being a part of your life. He wasn’t in any better a position to care for you than I was, though, and he agreed that adoption was the best thing we could do for you. He lives in Australia with his wife and three kids now, he knows you got in touch with me, and he’s hoping that when he comes back here to visit next month, you’d be willing to talk to him, too,” she tells him, and he nods.

“Yeah, I’d love to be able to get to know him,” he agrees with a smile, and she grins back.

“Wonderful, I’ll let him know.”

They drive him home after dinner, but over the next few days, Josh’s uni work starts getting harder, and suddenly, there’s a lot more of it, so he doesn’t get to talk to them or see them, or anyone else, really, for a few weeks. At least, not until Dan corners him in his bedroom one afternoon, grabbing his coursework from the desk and throwing it behind himself, so Josh can’t ignore him. He tries to get Josh to talk to him, but it quickly turns into a screaming match, which ends with Dan screaming in Josh’s face.

“I never asked for you to be in love with me! It’s not my fault you’re sick in the fucking head!” As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets them, but before he can apologise and try to take them back, Josh grabs his crutches, struggles to his feet and forces his way past. When he gets to the bottom of the stairs, his parents and Sarah are hovering at the living room door, looking at him with wide eyes. He’d already been fighting tears, but seeing the way they’re looking at him, knowing his secret’s out, it becomes almost impossible to hold them back as he leaves the house, heading for Rachel’s, where he knows he’s more than welcome.

When he gets there, Rachel and Tony comfort him, and when he calms down, he explains what happened. When he’s done, they’re quiet for a moment, then Tony clears his throat.

“I’m not condoning the way he handled it, but I can kind of see where your brother’s coming from. You may not be related by blood, but you grew up together, he sees you as his brother, the same way he sees his biological sister. As I said, I think he was far too harsh, almost cruel, with how he handled it, but he is justified in how he feels,” he’s nervous about how Josh will take this, scared he’s just destroyed the tenuous relationship his wife’s been building, but Josh just nods sadly.

“I know, it’s not how he feels that’s the problem, it’s what he said that’s bothering me,” Josh agrees, and Tony sighs quietly in relief.

He stays there for a few more hours, and he’s sitting on the floor colouring with Elissa, when there’s a knock at the door. Rachel goes to answer it, and when she reappears a minute later, she looks sheepish.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk to him, but I think you should, so…” She steps aside to reveal Dan, looking guilty with a steadily bruising handprint on the left side of his face.

“Who slapped you?” Josh asks, returning to his colouring as Dan sits down beside him.

“Sarah, once she got over the shock, she slapped me and tore me a new one for what I said,” Dan explains, smiling at Elissa and accepting the piece of paper and handful of coloured pencils she’s holding out to him.

“Good for her, now go away,” Josh comments lightly, and Dan sighs.

“I’m sorry, J. I regretted it as soon as I said it, I know I can’t take it back, but I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you, if you’ll let me,” he pleads, and Josh considers it for a few minutes as he finishes colouring in his t-rex. Once he’s done, he nods, aware of the fact that Dan’s been watching him patiently the whole time.

“If you want to make it up to me, then pretend the last few weeks never happened, that I never even said anything. I just want everything to go back to normal,” he tells him, and Dan nods happily.

“I can do that.”

True to his word, Dan acts as if nothing’s happened. They have dinner with the three of them, then Tony drives them home, the banter bouncing easily between the two of them the whole time, the way it used to. When they get home, their mum’s waiting, and lightly slaps Josh on the side of the head, then pulls him into a tight hug, insisting softly that she understands, and she would have listened. All he can do is nod as he hugs her as tightly as he can. They go back to spending almost every waking minute together, and surprisingly, it’s easy for them to be completely comfortable with each other again. Dan’s with him a week later when he meets his biological dad, Richard, and Rachel was right, he’s the loveliest guy either of them has ever met, and the conversation flows easily. Josh spends most of the fortnight that Richard’s in the country with him, and when he leaves, it’s with a happy agreement to keep in touch, and a promise from Richard to bring his wife and kids for Josh to meet next time.

Josh knows it’ll be a long time before he gets over Dan, but that’s ok, because he has three families that love him, and he’s got his brother back, and thanks to Dan’s birthday present, a week after Richard goes back to Australia, Josh takes his first ever unaided steps. They’re wobbly and he only manages five before his knees threaten to give out, but it’s proof that he can do it, and that’s all he needs.


End file.
